The stories I write for Girlfiend Comics are generally imaginative vignettes--fantasies, I guess--not things that have actually happened to me. (I've been basically married to the same woman since I turned 18. There's no way I could've done all the kinky stuff my characters get up to.) This week's story is an exception because it is almost 100% autobiographical. I really did go to Girl Scout camp every summer. I really am severely allergic to ant bites. And I really did get crushes on all the counselors--especially one very cute one who really was called Turtle and who once applied calamine lotion to every part of me that ants could find. The mountains, however, are an embellishment. I went to camp in North Texas, where the closest thing to a mountain was mountainous piles of ants.

"Phantom Pines," by the way, comes from a typo of "phantom penis"--which is something that lesbians have, according to my buddy Andy. I remember thinking that "Phantom Pines" would be a great name for a scout camp.